Tweets From Cobra Commander

I recently stumbled upon the twitter account for Cobra Commander who if you don't know is the evil mastermind that fights GI Joe in all of the cartoons I used to watch when I was little. I have been pleasantly surprised by the dastardly wit in some of his tweets from the past few months and I submit them (in no particular order) for your reading pleasure.

Every week is Shark Week if you do it right...

(During a particularly hot spell in July)

Middle America, I have the Weather Dominator pointed at you set on Ants Under A Magnifying Glass. Fry, baby, fry.

It's dark enough in Abercrombie that you could murder a man, throw him under some jeans, & no one would find him for a week.

Back from a much-needed vacation. Thrilled to see America is still doing its best to destroy itself from the inside out.

(For July 4th)

To commemorate your independence you set off fireworks made in China, the country that owns you now. Poetic.

In the mood to topple something. A store display, a mid-sized government. I'm not too picky.

(Advice I have taken and found quite useful)

Installing booby traps outside my office has cut down on useless meetings by 75%.

(After the NBA finals)

I've decided to take my quitting to South Beach.

U.S. Congress = Human Centipede

Trying something new today. Old Navy commercials as means of torture.

With Steve Jobs gone I nominate myself as his successor. Snakes have always been good at convincing people they need an Apple.

Trying to cheer up Gadhafi so I'm taking him jet skiing.

Cobra does some of it's best recruiting at Raider games.